These 13 Terrible Mistakes You Make When Raising Your Children

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No one can deny that raising children is a tough job. In fact, it’s less of a job than a long-term project involving sleepless nights, crazy whining, and tantrums. The tantrums and whining may or may not be your own.
The sad fact is that kids seem to be getting more and more out of control these days. Could it be something lacking in their upbringing? We’ll count off the mistakes a parent can make when bringing up their child. You can then make sure to avoid, or perhaps limit them. With kids, we need to keep trying harder and harder to do our best.

1: Going Overboard in Punishments

Punishment is a necessary part of disciplining any child. Some form of punishment must be in place to establish the rules. It happens whether a child is in school or at home.
However, many parents and teachers tend to get carried away when punishing a child. According to the expert, punishment is most effective when it matches the misbehavior.
For instance, maybe your child doesn’t put away his/her toys, despite repeated reminders. Some parents might get so frustrated that they throw away, donate or (worst of all) burn the toys. This overreaction would lead to the child living in a constant state of fear and possible hiding whatever he can.
So establish your rules, give some leeway, and dole out punishment as and when required. Excessive punishment can make things much worse than before.

2: Perseverance Has a Limit

When a child does something wrong, it’s the parent/guardian’s job to let them know that. However, there’s no need to keep harping on about it. There are at least two reasons why this is not a good idea.
One, kids don’t have a long attention span, as a rule. Whatever concentration they have, they prefer to use it in play. Hence, listening to long lectures is not their forte. You may talk until you’re blue in the face, but they’ll be off in their wonderland before long.
Secondly, this point ties in with the one about excessive punishment. If the child messes up once, he/she doesn’t deserve a long-winded scolding. It’s much better to reprimand them, then talk about something else.
In a nutshell, keep it short and as sweet as possible. If it’s a first-time offense, there’s no need to keep coming back to it. If a child keeps repeating the offensive behavior, look for any underlying causes instead of jumping straight to yelling or scolding.

3: Public Raging

It usually happens when a child is not on his/her best behavior in a store or at a public gathering. It is very likely that they are tired and hence, act out. However, parents get embarrassed when their kids create a scene. Hence, they tend to scold their child in public without regard for their feelings.
A child has a powerful sense of self-respect, just as you do. They are also much more sensitive, not being exposed to the harsh realities of adult life. So don’t expect them to brush off a public scolding and go about their day with a smile.
A parent should try to privatize the discipline of their child as much as possible. There is no doubt that parents need to take action sometimes. If their child is pushing another kid or creating a ruckus, they should try to remove him/her from that situation. Either bring them to a private place or make sure you talk to them about their behavior once you’re home.

4: Contradicting Yourself

Children trust their parents implicitly most of them time, perhaps more than they should. Hence, when the rules change, they tend to get confused and stubborn. Plus, when a parent contradicts themselves, it looks like they’re not in control.
For instance, you may allow your child to lie on the phone, telling them you’re in the shower. Be prepared, then, for lies in other areas. Additionally, if you let them become physically violent when playing, they are likely to do the same in anger.
It’s not always possible to keep one set of rules all the time. However, parents should try to maintain their expectations as regular as possible. They could, for example, ban physical violence altogether, whether in play or fun. It is probably the best and safest option.

5: Not Explaining the Commands

Many parents complain that they seem to be repeating themselves a million times. Their child, however, seems not to hear them or simply forget their instructions the next time. For example, parents could tell their child not to litter.
However, are we so sure that the kid understands what we’re saying? It may be that they are too young to know what littering means, or why it is wrong.
A better way to get through to your child is to explain why you are giving this order. In fact, don’t phrase it like a prescription, but a request. Tell them about the animals died due to sea and land pollution.
Plus, make sure to clarify what exactly they should or should not do. Instead of telling your kids not to throw their rubbish on the ground, point out a trash bin. If they are throwing wrappers out of the car, keep a trash bag with you for this purpose.

6: Bribing and Rewarding Tantrums

Anyone who’s ever been in charge of a child knows this trick all too well. You’re in the grocery store, or anywhere else, and the child wants something. If you don’t want to give it to them for some reason, they will throw a fit. Or maybe they have to go to the doctor or dentist, and just aren’t feeling it.
In such cases, you find yourself either giving them what they want or resorting to bribes. It sends a very dangerous message to the child, as they start thinking their tantrums would get them anything.
Bribing your way out of these situations may seem to work in the short term. You’re probably grateful for those moments of silence and obedience. However, you’re just setting yourself up for a lot more tantrum and tears in the future. The quicker children understand that bad behavior won’t get them anywhere in life, the better.

7: Throwing Tantrums Yourself

We get it; it’s hard to control yourself. One kid may have locked himself in the bathroom (again), and another may refuse to eat her breakfast. Meanwhile, you’re running late for work, and you’re already on probation. At times, it’s understandable why parents completely flip their lid and resort to physical violence and threats.
However, since you’re a parent, you have to lead by example (more on this later on). As an adult, you are more capable of controlling your emotions than a child, so make use of this ability. Be honest: if a plate gets broken, is screaming at your child going to fix it? Probably not.
The most effective way to act is to try and resolve the problems as best as you can. Think about teaching your child to unlock the bathroom door, or just remove it if it’s a longstanding problem. Pack up breakfast and let the kid have it on the go. Move on with your life instead of letting it revolve around a few mishaps.

8: Ignoring Basic Needs

It may come as a surprise. After all, you’re a parent, and keeping your child rested and well-fed is a priority. However, it is unfortunate how many parents tend to forget this in their course of their busy day. They probably don’t mean to do so, but the eating and sleeping patterns of a child are quite difficult to work around.
So if you see your child misbehaving without any clear reason, consider making them a snack or offering a nap. Be sure to mention their negative actions though, as they should learn not to act out even if physically drained. When they’re rested and fed, talk to them about controlling their actions in the future.
The point here is not to blame kids if they’re in a bad mood. After all, we also feel “hungry” at times.

9: Being Overly Sensitive

Parents and guardians are human too, even if they are adults. It’s natural to feel hurt at the actions of your kids. Children can be cruel, but they rarely mean it. They may act out and lost control, defying your most supreme efforts.
It’s important that parents understand why a child is misbehaving, rather than get hurt at being ignored or yelled at. They also need to be sure of the love their child has for them. A kid is most likely lashing out because they want some affection, attention, or even some material thing. It may be more time to play, to a sweet treat. See if they can have what they want within reasonable limits.
It is also essential not to get angry at each case of misbehavior. It would lessen the effect for when the situation is dangerous. It is best if you mostly show your kids how much you love them. However, it is just as important to let them know that you deserve respect as well.

10: The Wrong Way of Comparing

Every child has their talents and skills, and their creativity. If they are shown another child who is apparently performing better than them, this could lower their self-esteem.
It is hence best to avoid any comparison between your kids, or between your children and other people’s. A better way of encouraging them to perform their best is to applaud their achievements rather than someone else’s.

11: Being a Pal instead of a Parent

The friendship between a child and a parent is a beautiful thing. However, it should not cross into the realm where it negatively affects the child’s mental growth and progress.
For instance, some parents try to befriend their child at the expense of their relationship with their spouse. They may hide the child’s flaws and misdemeanors from his/her other parent. It leads to a lot of negativity and skewed relationships.
Being a parent partly means doing the hard thing. It includes sometimes being the bad guy if it means the child’s benefit in the long run. If they want to play hooky from school, no parent should be encouraging this.
Rather, parents should be friends with each other and bring up the child in a meaningful manner. There would be plenty of time for friendship on an equal basis when the child is grown up.

12: Not Practicing the Preaching

We may tend to forget just how eager kids are. After all, they are learning how to walk, talk, and handle life from their parents. Therefore, when a parent misbehaves in any way, their child is likely to catch on and make it their habit.
If a parent has the habit of nagging, criticizing, or backbiting, they should expect their child to do the same. They see these actions as a sort of permission. If you want your offspring to achieve great things and be beautiful inside and out, strive for this in yourself.

13: Not Appreciating Character

What with academics, extracurricular activities, and other expectations, many modern parents forget the importance of simple good character. It includes moral fiber, and instinct to do good and fight bad, and a general willingness to develop.
The A grades and trophies won’t matter. They won’t help a child to stay happy for long if they are not good people. All too often, kids only understand short-term gratification, even if it comes at the expense of others. It is up to the parents to teach them how this would not help them much when they’re older.

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